The Financial Crimes section of the Winter Edition of the Hampstead Village Voice is so very splendid I could cry.
Bessy the Bicycle outside Wintons in West Hampstead who are doing a fine job of selling the Hampstead Village Voice.
It would appear the Soviet Republic of West Hampstead (SRWH) is a bit hit and miss when it comes to the distribution of the Hampstead Village Voice.
On the bright side, Mystery, Hampstead Food & Wine, West End News and Winton's (pictured with Bessy the bicycle) appear to be playing ball and aiding and abetting the furtherance of our favourite and only local satirical magazine in the cold, harsh Soviet hinterlands of Hampstead's grubby little satellite state known in Victorian times simply as West End.
The same cannot be said of various other SRWH outlets who were happy to take our fine mag on a 'sale or return' basis but then pleaded complete ignorance to ever having received any when it came to coughing up for them. It would not be in the spirit of the Hampstead Village Voice to name and shame the worst offenders as they are not banks, governments, multi-national corporations or 'Street of Shame' medi-whores (who we like to shame at every proper opportunity) but small businesses with zero imagination to whom we can extend nothing but pity.
Pity? Yes because they won't be getting THE GREATEST MAGAZINE OF ALL TIME EVER! the Winter EDITION 6 of the HAMPSTEAD VILLAGE VOICE.
My goodness, it's a cracker! It's only got Russell Brand (who's still skill McGill regardless of what Daily Mail readers think), Nicky Horne, Tony Parsons, Klaus Von Kunst, Ronnie Wood, Eric Clapton (admittedly a very small mention of the man who played guitar on While My Guitar Gently Weeps, but hey, he gave me a hug so fuck it, that's worth a mention. I mean, how many people can say they've been hugged by Eric Clapton on Hampstead High Street?)
Name dropping aside, this really is the best mag we've done so far... Go and buy it. If you're skint and you have to rob an old lady or hold up a bank to get this edition of the magazine then do it. If you have to shag someone's grandad in the missionary position in order to purchase a copy, then so be it! But get it or regret it for the rest of your life!
Dr. Jonothan Wossy-Woss of Wossington Park
PS. Russell Brand is innocent cos he was actually very polite and it was me who got all saucy, rude and risqué on the radio.
PPS. Who fucking cares anyway? The attack on Pearl Harbour got less headlines! Aren't the Daily Mail a bunch of malicious c***s?
PPS. This isn't really Jonothan Woss writing this, it's the evil Mustafa Goldstein, but it is really Russell in the actual magazine! Hoorah! Hoorah! And Hoorah again!