Hampstead Faces, nearly finished...

Just a some dotting of i's and crossing of t's to do and then my new book, Hampstead Faces will be off to the printers in September.
    It'll probably look like it wrote itself once it's on the shelves of Waterstones on the 15th of October but like all good things it took a fair bit off effort.
    There's plenty of gratuitous name dropping in it (well, you gotta sell a few copies, in't ya) and some rather amusing personal stories and anecdotes about Hampstonian yokels great and small. Oh, and lot's of rather lovely pictures too.
    The gist of the book? I took loads of photo's of Hampsteadites then wrote about them. A simple enough idea but rather effective, I'm sure you'll agree.

Toodle-Pip!

Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein x
Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein
Enemy of Big Brother (when it suits him).

Well earned Berlin Sabbatical

Having written much of, edited all and distributed edition 18 of the Hampstead Village Voice I find myself over-worked, over-caffeinated and over here in Berlin where I shall now relax for a week and spend a little time with my dear old mum.
    As I write, the birds are tweeting happily outside and I shall shortly go for a stroll around Berlin's version of The Vale of Health, namely Hertha See where there are no nudists but a couple of very pleasant looking swans.
    Thanks to Richard Osley of the Camden New Journal for his fine words about the Hampstead Village Voice and the disarming interview we had with Giles "Chopper" Coren, who is currently mourning the demotion of his beloved Queens Park Rangers F.C.

Do give it a butcher's...

http://richardosley.wordpress.com/2013/05/23/giles-coren-the-village-voice-and-the-price-of-journalism/

Walkies!

Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein
Editor in Exile.

What's in Edition 18?

WHSMITH at the Royal Free Hospital now sells the 

Hampstead Village Voice.

Dearest Hampsters,

As well as the usual outlets, edition 18 will also be available at WHSMITH at the Royal Free Hospital from Wednesday the 15th of May 2013. So now even illness and injury can be a joyous experience. Indeed, I was in there to check my eye-sight recently which is probably why the above picture ended up out of focus.

What's in edition 18?

There'll be an extra 4 pages in this edition to accommodate a rather dramatic and entertaining five-page interview with Giles Coren, guaranteed to rock your boat and annoy various individuals including his sister, various estate agents, the Polish Foreign Minister and Chelsea fans (Ed. What a combination).

Both Scamden's Planning and Press departments get a right roasting for being the complete incompetents they are in the stories Scamdengate and Pravda and the über-development of what was once a quiet, peaceful Hampstonia is covered at length, including the story by Hampstead Harridan of a retired couple about to enjoy the delights of living in a building site on Templewood Avenue.

We have a stern look at how Transport for London has managed to extort over £100 million from the public: the biggest scam in the history of London's public transport, not least because no one seems to have noticed it.

Oh, and the new Hampstead to West Hampstead bus link, including the controversial new terminus in Well Walk, is unveiled in all its glory on pages one and eleven.

And, as usual, the High Street Spy, Klaus von Kunst, Fox News and Hampstonianism will be at your disposal.

Can I go now?

Toodle Pip!

Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein
Enemy of Big Brother

Edition 18 in shops from 15th of May 2013.

Conrad Schumann jumps over the Finchley Road Wall and escapes to Hampstonia and freedom! 

Calling all Hampsters!

I'm pleased to report, Edition 18 of the Hampstead Village Voice is almost ready and will be in the shops from the 15th of May 2013.

Here's a little taster....

On the Soviet Gulag of West Hampstead

"...For here the Victory Gin doth flow most freely; the proles mill about aimlessly between the Overground, Underground and Thameslink and my East German neighbour, Comrade Hauptmann Gerd Wiesler has already reported me to the authorities for watching television after 7pm and opening the bedroom window after midnight on hot nights. 

     According to Comrade Wiesler, such ordinary Hampstonian activities are considered Noise-Crime in West Hampstead. I kid you not my fellow Hampstonian, the Stasi are on to you as soon as you cross that dreaded Finchley Road Wall.

    So grim is a life in the Soviet Gulag that alcoholism, drug use, suicide and tax evasion are as rife as psychatric help is scarce. And so I will make haste in returning to Hampstonia as soon as I can smuggle myself into the boot of someone's Mercedes Benz. For the Lives of Others is not for me: it’s for others...."

Your very own,

Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein,

Enemy of Big Brother.

SCAMDENGATE.

Heath Street: pointing out the obvious...

Against the advise of sub-editor Professor P. Dant, we've been tying posters above Scamden's HOW DOES THIS AFFECT YOU notices in order to highlight the absurdity of its planning permission proliferation.

As pointed out in the current edition of the Hampstead Village Voice, there are so many of these A4 notices flapping about - and rarely for the common good - that naturally, we thought this needed pointing out. 

Featuring Ken Pyne's splendid cartoon, this dramatic urban guerilla style activity was inspired by the council falsifying evidence in order to allow Heath Street estate agent, TK Inyertesticles, change of use (p.11). 

Ken Pyne's splendid cartoon

Yes this is personal

Compounded by the enforced exile of yours truly to the Soviet Gulag of West Hampstead (p.7) after yet more over-development below and above Casa Goldstein, I felt it my duty to point out that Hampstead has become but a Monopoly board and Scamden are, more than allegedly, in on the deal.

The professor has warned me that, despite Scamden being the chief perpetrators and 'example setters' of said misdemeanour, we may still be hit with a £5000 fine for "fly posting". 

Fortunately, I don't exist and even if I did I don't have £5000 and even if I did, I wouldn't give it to those blighters. Besides, Scamden would be foolish to further publicise what was, after all, a response to the dubious, if not dishonest, analysis which led to the TK Inyertesticles change of use.

Scamden council? foolish? Never. 

Viva Hampstonia, land of the not so free!

Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein x x x

Editor in exile.

Edition 17 Available Now While Shops Last!

Scamdengate: Kenwood and Goldstein on the blower to Scamden Head Office

Well, it may not be Watergate but the story on page 11 of the newly published Hampstead Village Voice has certainly exposed some wholly unacceptable goings on in Heath Street. 

In order to protect our source, known only as ScamThroat, we can't reveal any more at this juncture. Indeed, this story's so hot, our investigative journalists Kenwood and Goldstein have turned it over to the High Street Spy.

The question is, 'Did Scamden Council falsify evidence in order to break its own rules allowing estate agent, TK Inyertesticles to take over a Heath Street retail shop?

The answer is in the Hampstead Village Voice edition 17, available now while shops last!

Toodle Pip!

Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein,

Editor in exile.

Edition 17 is at the printers!

The contents page of the next Hampstead Village Voice (edition 17) out on Friday 25th of January.

Phew! Now I can relax and let go of that PMT (Pre-Magazine Tension).

Yes, another little miracle of localist publishing is on its way into the safe hands of The Magazine Printing Company and will be in all good Hampstead newsagents, Waterstones and Budgens by Friday the 25th of January.

In the meantime, have a butcher's at the contents page above to get yourselves into the mood...

Toodle pip!

Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein x

Editor about to have a well earned lunch.