DAM-AGE LIMITATION: THE SAVE THE VALE OF HEALTH CAMPAIGN

The Vale of Health: muddy and that's how we like it. Its a Heath not a park.

Too little too late? Possibly. But all the earlier campaigns having been ignored by the authorities, to do nothing now would be worse than the City of London Corporation, Camden Council and a High Court Judge allowing themselves to be hoodwinked by Atkins/AECOM, the consortium that stands to benefit from the dams' construction. 

    According to sources, Atkins is on 15% of the total bill that has recently risen from £17m to £23m. Meanwhile, its strategic partner, AECOM, landed the job of 'independent' advisor to Camden Council landing itself £18k for a 37 page report. A tidy sum considering it misled the authorities, public and press into thinking it was 'independent'. How could it be independent if it formed a consortium with the dams' designers and sales people, Atkins, in 2012? A 'three year strategic partnership' is what it says on an Atkins press release. And the result, exactly 3 years later - a huge contract to destroy the Heath.

    It makes my blood boil that, of all things, Hampstead Heath has fallen pray to these vultures. Companies that have instilled fear of flooding from some fictional storm as a ruse in order to, as director of Atkins, Andrew Hughes, put it, 'put Atkins back into the first division of dam builders'.

   Can we save the Vale of Health and, by the way, deny Atkins and Bam Nutall (the contractors) any payment for a job that simply doesn't need to be done? Can we hold to account the incompetence of Camden Council which failed to properly vet its 'independent' advisors? And can we force action against AECOM for misleading 10 elected councillors into believing they were receiving impartial, independent advice?

   If Elizabeth Truss, the Environment Secretary and, for that matter, Tulip Siddiq MP, pull their fingers out and convince parliament to overrule this miscarraige of justice - both at High Court and Camden hearing level, maybe we can.

Please sign the petition now: https://you.38degrees.org.uk/petitions/save-hampstead-heath

 

Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein,

Editor, Hampstead Village Voice.

SUMMER of CASH

Run for the hills everybody - the Blue Meanies have taken over Airstrip One and most of Hampstonia too... Nothing's sacred when it comes to power, greed and making loads'a'money in what feels like 1980s Tory Britain all over again. Even Thatcher didn't dig up the Heath. 
    The Labour Party's in tatters and Ultra-capitalism's firmly in control of the Old Stead. Oh woe is me... Where's Michael Foot when you need him?

ALL YOU NEED IS CASH

So what's Hampstead really about these days? 
Hampstead Heath? = £23M contract for dam builders, Atkins/Aecom.
Hampstead Homes? = £3M - £100M.
Hampstead's Saucepans? £499 at the new kitchen shop on the corner of Willoughby Road. No I'm not fucking joking. There's even a bread knife on sale there for £279.

It's all over for us mere paupers - even the criminals have nowhere to go: Hampstead Police Station? An empty shell of a building until someone comes up with £XBillion squid. It' millionaires only around here.

But at least there's the Hampstead Village Voice available while shops last for only £1 from Monday 20th of July 2015.

Hurrah! Viva Hampstonia, land of the increasingly less free!

Toodle Pip!

Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein x
Editor in debtor's prison.

LIBERATION FOR USSR... AND BRENT!

Scamden Front, January, 2015. 

Hampstonian forces successfully invaded the USSR (Union of Soviet Scamden Republics) this week with a tactical 'hearts and minds' offensive entrenching the Hampstead Village Voice into various Scamdenite outlets. Our brave forces have also seized control of Highgate's Ministry of Propaganda AKA. Brooksby the Newsagents, 70 Highgate High St. which is believed to be, not in Scamden, but in Haringey - a nation where one can still park for free.
    In a sweeping and lethal pincer movement involving both General Simon 'The Space Correspondent' and Wing Commander Dave 'The Beard', Hampstonia's latest manoeuvre has struck love deep into enemy territory and the USSR can now consider itself 'liberated.'
    Golders Green too has been freed from ignorance as has Mill Lane in deepest Barnet... or is it Brent? Well, either way it's in the former Metropolitan Borough of Hampstead so go and buy a copy and show your defiance to Big Brother and his evil,  corrupt Airstrip One stooges.

Viva Hampstonia!

Emmanuel 'Mustafa' Goldstein.

AM I CHARLIE? NOT REALLY...

The HVV doesn't mock religious prophets, just Tesco's profits.

When it comes to religion, the Hampstead Village Voice respects, rather than mocks or ridicules. The murders are unforgivable and as a fellow satirist I feel gutted for those who died and their families and the murderers, for that is what they are, must be found and brought to justice. 
    Yet freedom of speech ceases to be legitimate when one knowingly offends people's religions, races and cultures. Charlie H crossed that line. So, no. I'm not really "Charlie." 
    I respect all religions as I do a free press. But I wouldn't mock Islam, Judaism, Christianity or any other religion. It's just disrespectful. The Hampstead Village Voice saves its ridicule for Tesco's profits, not religious prophets. Viva Hampstonia! All You Need Is Love. 

Emmanuel 'Mustafa' Goldstein.

MINISTRY of SACRILEGE

Oh no! High Court Judge decides in favour of dams on the Heath. Is the Heath, to become a blasted building site for years? It's just un-fucking-thinkable! What fuck-wit of a judge would allow such a thing? Who are these utter cunts coming into Hampstead and fucking destroying it? Livid is too short a word. The world has gone mad. The last sacred thing left in Hampstead and they're going to fuck it up. I hope the ponds swallow up their fucking bulldozers and drown them! http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-30251356

Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein.
Devistated.

Infamy, Infamy... They've All Got It In For Me!

We all need a little love. Even Traffic Wardens and editors of local satirical magazines. But, as Hymen Roth once said to Michael Corleone, "it's the business we're in."

   
I've experienced a spot of cut'n'thrust over the last 24 hours. Firstly, a Camden New Journalist was overly offended that I tweeted about his somewhat fantastic story claiming Arsenal could still come third in Group D, then some busy-body woman accosting me in Ellerdale Rd because I took a picture of some heavily trimmed trees, followed up by a string of rather rude and obnoxious emails from a fellow calling Hampstead Village Voice stories,'ignorant and unfounded,' yet refusing to say which stories.

    
Is it me or are the citizens of old Blighty getting a bit stressed out? Bitter and twisted, even? Please don't write in and say, 'it's you!' I might just have to run off to that hammock in the sun. 

If I don't, the next Hampstead Village Voice will be out on Thursday 15th of January 2015.

Toodle-Pip!

E. M. Goldstein.

Andrews of Hampstead Sold to...

The first cover of the Hampstead Village Voice featured Andrews of Hampstead

From its website and having spoken to a rather pleasant, American spokeswoman, the new owners of Andrews of Hampstead, Lords of Notting Hill, looks more of a homeware than hardware store. Not a bad thing in itself, but we can expect it to be a rather high end version of a John Lewis-cum-Robert Dyas.    

     

Lighting, vacuum cleaners and espresso machines rather than nails and screw drivers will be the order of the day. Yet there may be a DIY section with paint, locks and other twiddly bits if the website's anything to go by.

What's In A Name?

The bad news is, the company plans to call the shop, Lords of Notting Hill. Naturally Hampsteadites will not be too thrilled about that. 

   
Being Hampstead's answer to John Mcenroe, the words, "you cannot be serious!" were the first to leave my lips.
   
After all, this is Hampstead and calling a shop Such and Such of Somewhere Else is hardly paying tribute to what's left of the old Stead.
  
Although we, the people of the Unpopular People's Front of Hampstonia are an understanding lot, we'd still respectfully ask Lords of Notting Hill to reconsider this somewhat ill-placed name change. Why not just Lords or Lords Homeware or even Lords Formerly of Notting Hill But Now Very Much of Hampstead (Ed. A bit of a mouthful that last idea).
   
Regular readers of the Hampstead Village Voice will be aware that Hampstead's identity is being unceremoneously eroded by various outside factors - Scamden Council, Tesco-Stressco and various unruly developers to name but a few - and yes, we locals do feel quite strongly about this. It's a bit of a dramatic cultural leap from 'Andrews of Hampstead.'
   
We wish the new shop well. Notting Hill isn't a dirty word per sé but for locals, it is probably the wrong one for a Hampstead shop and will make Heath Street feel just that little bit less Hampstead. 
    
The reality is, the company is unlikely to change its brand name to suit little old Hampsers and so let's be thankful for small mercies. At least it won't be called Lords of Chelsea - now that would certainly have rubbed this traditionally Arsenal or Tottenham supporting area up the wrong way.

Viva Hampstonia, land of the not so free!

Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein
Editor in hot-pants.