Thursday, 17 July 2014

Restructuring of the Hampstead Village Voice

Mr. & Mrs. Patel of Fleet News

Dearest Hampstonian,
   You may have noticed the Hampstead Village Voice has been conspicuous by its absence this summer. This is in some small part down to the imminent restructuring of the magazine to become bigger, better, cheaper and more available to all, in the somewhat distant future.
   Naturally, various principles will have to be compromised in this ghastly restructuring, including the back page being sold to Tesco-Stressco for £1m an issue and lots of praise being heaped upon Scamden Council, the British Government, ghastly property developers, estate agents and the Corporation of London. The encouragement of lots and lots of generic supermarkets, mobile phone shops and leaf blowers too, especially on the Heath, will also come in handy -Ed. Don't forget, louder evermore screechy ambulance sirens!
Indeed, the Hampstead Village Voice will not rest until Pat of Polly's in South End Road is wearing a Sainsbury's uniform and the Patel's of Fleet Road (pic. above) are asking you if you have a Tesco Club Card.

10,000 copies!

But seriously folks, once the restructuring is complete, some 10,000 copies of Edition 21 ought to be out by late Autumn. Oh, alright then, Winter! Yes, 10,000 is to be our new circulation (Ed. He's actually serious), so be afraid Stressco, Painsbury, Scamden, Thieving Mobile, Über-developers and basement junkies et al, Be very afraid! -Ed. Don't forget the Himm&Heil!

In the meantime you can still purchase edition 20 of the Hampstead Village Voice from the lovely Mr & Mrs Patel of Fleet Road or any other half-proper Hampstead newsagent, Thornton's Budgens and Waterstones.

Love, peace and serene walks on the heath,

Emmanuel "Mustafa" Goldstein III

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