Boy George for Breakfast.

Breakfast

I have just had a rather splendid cup of coffee with Boy George, Jon Moss and another fellow - who's name has slipped my mind - at Cafe Scrooge this morning. Alas I am sworn to secrecy as to the content of the conversation but needless to say it was all rather splendid. Jon warned George that I was a "Journalist" to which I retorted - "I'm not a journalist, I'm a satirist and don't worry mate, you're not funny enough to get into the Hampstead Village Voice". This was of course complete bollocks because between them Jon and George have appeared at least half a dozen times in Hampstead's (the world's?) favourite magazine.

Culture Club fans are certainly advised to purchase a copy of the Spring edition of the Hampstead Village Voice which will be in the shops on April 15th 2011.

Luncheon

Meanwhile, it's back to the drab chore of flogging advertising from Hampstonia's Upper House of Parliament, La Gaffe, where an annoyingly American couple have just asked me to keep my voice down whilst on the phone. I have a good mind to have them extradited to Highgate or, worse still, the Afghan-Irish Republic of Kilburn! How dare these corporate Oceanic types come to my nice clean (well it was till Scamden took it over) country [Hampstonia] and tell me how to behave in my own office! Bastards!

Toodle-Pip!

Mustafa Goldstein

Editor in Hot-Pants.

Scamden: incompetent and wasteful!

A wee while ago the USSR (Union of Soviet Scamden Republics) wasted thousands of squid on those posters and banners telling us all to love our High Street and the "rebuilding" of the Whitestone Pondshop. Meanwhile shop after shop is closing down - including their own "Environment Local" which still stands empty. And now we are looking forward to the end of the Library as we know it. Aren't Scamden and Airstrip One shit! They can't even sort out a proper refuse policy. See the current edition [12] of the Hampstead Village Voice, out now.

Toodle Pip!

Mustafa Goldstein.

Ed in hot-pants.

Who's a big Boy? Summer 2010 Edition in Hampstead shops NOW!!!

Boy George very kindly poses for the Daily Hate Mail, a new sub-section of the Hampstead Village Voice which serves up some resentful bilge a la the most hideous of all the national newspapers. Yes the Daily Mail really is the most appallingly small minded publication. All it ever seems to do is slag off individuals like Boy George and Russell Brand for no reason or pick on some immigrant for moving into a two up-two down in St. John's Wood. Why shouldn't immigrants live in St. John's Wood or indeed Hampstead? And why shouldn't they claim benefits? Don't have a go at the poor immigrant for accepting a few squid within the limits of the law: have a go at H.M. Government if you're going to have a go at anyone. Oh, no, of course not. The Daily Hate Mail finds it easier to bully individuals than accuse H.M. Gov of being somewhat slack with everyones cash!

In the Summer Edition of the Hampstead Village Voice, the Daily Mail gets a taste of it's own medicine and is slagged off right and proper for being the fear mongering, xenophobic load of bollocks it is! What a horrid little paper. Did you know it supported the Nazis before Britain went to war with them? Yes it really did. That's how ghastly it is! Although it now claims to be Nazi free, it's still just about as mean as you can get without actually being a Nazi.

Also in this most glorious edition: Richard Madely buys the Hampstead Village Voice... or does he? There's the first ever picture of [almost anonymous] Mustafa Goldstein sporting an Arsenal Yamulka in Jerusalem; John Alderton says hello; Tony Parsons writes a bed time story; Klaus Von Kunst rants on about the Zebra Gallery and his uncle Günter; Ranjit Bolt does the Hampstead Rap; Sandy Markwick shares a little Hampstead History and the campaign to save the Duke of Hamilton gets full coverage... Oh, and the results of the Hampstead Village Voice Awards are published on the centre pages!

Bleedin' bargain! So off you trot to your local news vendor or Waterstones and get yourself a copy. A whole 2 squid? Yes, you're worth it!

Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein x,

Berlin. 22.07.2010