Spring Edition Doing Splendidly!

Above: the poster currently adorning Hampstead's bill boards

Hello Hampsters!

Apparently edition 15 of the Hampstead Village Voice is selling like hot cakes. This may be in no small part to the horrendous name dropping going on in my absence.

Apparently, whilst I'm off sunning myself by various pools in Brazil (ed. well, naturally I've been borrowing a couple of millionaires houses, as you do), Professor P. Dant will - at his leisure - be on grotty old poster duty and dropping names like nobody's business. Good show Professor and, needless to say, we all look forward to your next enlightening piece in the Summer edition of Hampstead's only, and therefore favourite, satirical magazine.

Oh, yes, and do have a peak at all those exclusive pictures of Stevie Wonder, Thierry Henry, Peter O'Toole and Co. in the current Hampstead Village Voice. No, don't just leaf through it at the newsagent - buy the bloody thing you cheapskate!

Toodle Pip!

Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein x x x

Editor in Ronnie Biggs' old thong.

Huggable Hampstead

Huggy and Hutch

[Antonio Fargus and

David Soul] enjoy

a night of much joy in La Gaffe

What's the point in spending £3.75 on a frothy-tripple-extra-shotty-latte-Grandé-arsebucks-decaf if you can't leaf through a vaguely interesting read whilst doing so?

Wouldn't you better better off buying the Hampstead Village Voice for £2 and drinking a single espresso for £1.90 Ed. Er...no you wouldn't. You'd still be 15p down on the deal.

And if you can't read, then why not have a leisurely butcher's at our exclusive Hampstead photos of Stevie Wonder, David Soul, Antonio Fargus, Peter O'Toole, Jurgen Klinsmann, Patrick Veieira, Thierry Henry, Robert Pires, Martin Bell and Jon Moss whilst you slurp your ristretto.

And don't you dare let those corporate robots up-sell you a "double espresso". If they do attempt such a thing, simply look them straight in the eye and, in as charming a manner as possible, ask them, "Are you trying to up-sell me a shot of caffeine, darling?" - Ed. The 'darling's optional.

Toodles-Pip!

Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein

Editor in Caffeine

PS. You can now also purchase the Hampstead Village Voice in Budgens, Belsize Parkistan for £2 cashski. How very splendid.