Edition 12 is at the printers!

This splendid Ford Maddox Brown print of The Mount in 1860 appears in the 12th edition of the Hampstead Village Voice.

But enough of the culture! The new edition [in all Hampstead newsagents from 20th of January 2011] will also feature exclusive picture stories on Jonathan Ross, Ricky Gervais, David Baddiel, Cesc Fabregas, Ian Wright, Vanessa Feltz and Sadie Frost... I was thinking of calling it the Hello! Village Voice and just going all dumbed down and Farcebook-like on its arse but, actually, it's quite a mentally challenging edition.

Not least because of the Hampstonian Constitution - Part 1 and a potentially tricky attack on the PC Taliban [of modern day Airstrip One and the Union of Soviet Scamden Republics] presently crawling the street of Hampstead.

There's also a raunchy little story by sexy food critic Marcella Legief and mountains of art and nudism from Dr. Klaus Von Kunst. And those fellow sufferer's of Stressco will not be disappointed: there's no Tesco-Stressco but it is mentioned on pretty much every page. I really must find something else to right about - but we're still hoping to be sued by the supermarket giant [Ed. they wouldn't dare].

And then there's Wheelie Wevolting about the new residents of Hampstead, namely, the rats who are enjoying all that nosh pouring out of split, plastic bags all over the High Street. I know some of you find stories about wheelie bins a tad boring - but, like a terrier with it's teeth in Scamden's ankle, the Hampstead Village Voice will not rest until Hampstead is once again a clean and tidy place to live. So we're still pushing for a little common sense from them... (Ed. You've got more chance of winning the lottery!)

Back to the Hello! Hampstead Village Voice, I was tempted to add the balloon "Not a lot" from the mouth of Sadie Frost in a photo where an old class mate quotes the Beatles and asks, "Sexy Sadie, what have you done" but thought better of it seeing as she was with her son and from her perspective she does have a career (ed. unlike me) so it might have been hurtful [Ed. you're too soft].

More importantly, there's the wonderful A Hampstead Cat & Mouse Story by the lovely Peter Lund who sadly passed away recently. It's quite the sweetest thing I've ever read, plus my old mum really liked it and so will yours.

Right, must dash off and get to work on the new website... Yawn.

Toodle-Pip!

Mustafa Goldstein x

Editor in hot-pants.

Edition 12 imminent!

Although horribly unpopular in Airstrip One, Scamden and Slimegate, Public Enemy No.1, Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein appears to have managed to gain cult status in Tokyo. Indeed, the well respected Japanese magazine Mr. Partner recently interviewed him about the Hampstead Village Voice and the Federal Republic of Hampstonia.

Of course, Mr. Goldstein's identity is a closely guarded secret and the picture above is of an Italian doppelgänger called Salvatore Tagliatelle and bares no resemblance to the real Mustafa G.

All being well, edition 12 will be out in the shops on Thursday the 20th of January and features, amongst other things, the first instalment of the constitution of the Federal Republic of Hampstonia. There are also exclusive local photo's of Cesc Fabregas, Ricky Gervais, Ian Wright, Vanessa Feltz, Jonathan Ross, David Baddiel and, most importantly, a long lost photo of our celestial editor in Chief, Bronco [John].

Plus all sorts of controversial nonsense.

Death be to Al High-Quaida and the Union of Soviet Scamden Republics!

Johnny Amalfi

pp. Mr. Honeka-Cohen

President of the Federal Republic of Hampstonia [land of the not so free]

Next Village Voice pencilled in for January 2011

Being editor of the Hampstead Village Voice one gets asked to do the oddest things... below the result of a request to put the following on this site for the weekend... Well, I saw no harm in it...

World Peace Garden Camden

Dear Volunteers
The World Peace Garden Camden is converting a strip of waste land adjacent to
Hampstead Heath Overground into a tranquil natural beauty spot where we sponsor
the contemplation of inner peace and a better world by means of carefully chosen
words dedicated to this end from Sponsors of a Peace Tile .
The Peace Tiles will placed in the World Peace Garden Camden
The Peace Tiles will also be viewed and appreciated on the World Peace Garden Camden
website inviting others around the world to join us
A point of positive energy in the community promoting inner peace ,harmony & understanding
On Mitzvah Day 21st November from noon to 3pm volunteers will be working in three Teams
Team 1/ preparing to ground around the trees to plant 2 kil of daffodils around the trees
Team 2/ planting the daffodils
Team 3/clearing brambles and weeds
We look forward to everyone enjoying what should turn out to be a satisfying day of giving
selflessly to our friends and neighbours.
With love and thanks to all of our friends
Jonathan
Jonathan Bergman
Trustee
World Peace Garden Camden

Must Hava Cuppa Cha Stein.

www.hampstonian.co.uk

The Hampstead Village Voice has taken a back seat whilst the new edition of The Hampstonian has been under construction. Indeed, for the first time, there's a half decent website to accompany the info-guide and directory for 2011 which will be put next week - 18th of November 2011. The website, www.hampstonian.co.uk is a charmingly presented effort so go and have a look.

Toodle pip!

Mustafa G.

HVV's little sister THE HAMPSTONIAN 2011 is on course....

Tum-Tee-tum...

What the he'll am I doing on the side of a hill overlooking the picturesque town of Freiburg Im Breisgau in the Black Forest when I ought to be scurrying away getting the new version of The Hampstonian 2011, the Hampstead Village Voices prudent little sister, off to the printers? Well, for starters, it's a good opportunity to push the limits of modern technology and prove that one can do everything one can in Hampstead, without actually having to be in Hampstead. Let's face it, Hampstead's a bloody nightmare at the moment. One can' even buy a decent pair of Jeans for under £90 whereas in Freiburg I'll be picking up a pair of new jeans (not the worn out rubbish they sell at Crap) for €29! Hello? Can we get over the rip off Britain thing, please! Britain simply isn't that Great that it can overcharge for everything. It might have been once, but it ain't now, so grow up Englanders!

Alas, it appears one can't download a picture of the Black Forest onto an iPad so you'll just have to suffer and take my word for it: it's utterly beautiful.

Secondly, Freiburg's a lovely little town famed for it's lack of traffic and general green-ness. Somewhere from whch Hampstead could certainly learn a thing or two. You won't find the pavements strewn with stressco plastic bags around here. It would appear they still have something called dignity. But with that comes a dollop of austerity I would find hard to live with on a permanent basis. So I'll be heading back at some stage... As for the Hampstonian 2011....

Worry not! Your very own Mustafa is on the case and will spend the 7 hour train journey to Berlin finishing off The Hampstonian 2011 on his lappy top to have at the printers in time for the run in to....Argh...I day not mention the C word whilst it's still October. In time for December! By the way, it's going to be a vast improvement - if that were possible - on the 2010 edition and will include amongst other things a Restaurant guide and a "where to get free WiFi guide". How very splendid!

As for edition 12 of the Hampstead Village Voice, it is still in conception but ought to be on the shelves by January 1st, 2011.

Toodle pip!

Mustafa "Lord Whore-Whore" Goldstein
PS. Germany is also a very good place to buy Jeans if one is 6ft 7inches tall. More about that in the next Voice.

HAVE RICHARD & JUDY BOUGHT THE HAMPSTEAD VILLAGE VOICE?

Has Richard Madely really bought the Hampstead Village Voice?

There's only one way to find out whether Richard has indeed bought the Hampstead Village Voice and that's to go in to a Hampstead newsagent and buy a copy because the freebies are over!

Yes folks, although we drop off a couple of copies at Hampstonia's national library [Keat's Grove] and the odd doctor's waiting room, our policy of saturating Hampstead with it's favourite satirical magazine free of charge has come to an end. It's no more Mr. Nice Guy. So you'll just have to fork out a couple of squid if you want in on all the local action.

The current edition features Boy George, Jon Moss, John Alderton, Tony Francis, Ranjit Bolt and, of course, Mr. Madely (above). We also have scathing attacks on Stressco, Scamden and Nat West's delivery boys G4 Security who have been persistently breaking the law and getting away with it. How very dare they!

And there's loads of other stuff that needs to be read, preferably whilst having that large weekend dump! I was thinking of having "The Hampstead Village Voice. No bog's complete without one..." as our new PR campaign slogan. What d'you think folks?

Yours irreverently,

Mustafa Goldstein x

Editor in Tea Person.

Who's a big Boy? Summer 2010 Edition in Hampstead shops NOW!!!

Boy George very kindly poses for the Daily Hate Mail, a new sub-section of the Hampstead Village Voice which serves up some resentful bilge a la the most hideous of all the national newspapers. Yes the Daily Mail really is the most appallingly small minded publication. All it ever seems to do is slag off individuals like Boy George and Russell Brand for no reason or pick on some immigrant for moving into a two up-two down in St. John's Wood. Why shouldn't immigrants live in St. John's Wood or indeed Hampstead? And why shouldn't they claim benefits? Don't have a go at the poor immigrant for accepting a few squid within the limits of the law: have a go at H.M. Government if you're going to have a go at anyone. Oh, no, of course not. The Daily Hate Mail finds it easier to bully individuals than accuse H.M. Gov of being somewhat slack with everyones cash!

In the Summer Edition of the Hampstead Village Voice, the Daily Mail gets a taste of it's own medicine and is slagged off right and proper for being the fear mongering, xenophobic load of bollocks it is! What a horrid little paper. Did you know it supported the Nazis before Britain went to war with them? Yes it really did. That's how ghastly it is! Although it now claims to be Nazi free, it's still just about as mean as you can get without actually being a Nazi.

Also in this most glorious edition: Richard Madely buys the Hampstead Village Voice... or does he? There's the first ever picture of [almost anonymous] Mustafa Goldstein sporting an Arsenal Yamulka in Jerusalem; John Alderton says hello; Tony Parsons writes a bed time story; Klaus Von Kunst rants on about the Zebra Gallery and his uncle Günter; Ranjit Bolt does the Hampstead Rap; Sandy Markwick shares a little Hampstead History and the campaign to save the Duke of Hamilton gets full coverage... Oh, and the results of the Hampstead Village Voice Awards are published on the centre pages!

Bleedin' bargain! So off you trot to your local news vendor or Waterstones and get yourself a copy. A whole 2 squid? Yes, you're worth it!

Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein x,

Berlin. 22.07.2010