Awfully Sorry. Forgot All About This Blog.

The Summer Edition is still in the shops...

Howdy Hampsters,

Sorry! I actually forgot all about this blog thing and so neglected to report on arguably our best ever edition of the Hampstead Village Voice, still in newsagents now. 

   What with my band Ridiculous playing its debut gig at the Dublin Castle in June, the completion of my book The Joy of Addiction in July and all the legwork that accompanies said projects – not to mention getting the summer edition out – the blog has slipped down the old priority list somewhat.

   And there was that Giles Coren purple patch in which your man got Rupert Murdoch to pay for our dinners at Café Hampstead and we both gleefully reviewed the restaurant. Giles in the The Times and moi in the Hampstead Village Voice. Happily, I also coaxed the Coren into writing the Forward to my book. Now all I need is a literary agent and a publisher. S'ppose I'll have to make some sort of effort to go and get one.

  Equally happily, Mr. Coren sang the praises of your favourite local satirical rag in his piece so, seeing as it's raining, I'll stick a scanned version up here for the weekend in case you missed it. 

   He called my piece a "jolly read" and as usual his is too.

Viva Hampstonia and toodle Pip!

Emmanuel 'Mustafa' Goldstein.

Ed/singer/author/tea person.

Gilesy baby does a little Hampy Voice service and writes a jolly piece.
Zoom in to read...

Note to Rupert Murdoch: to sue for copyright infringement, please send a postcard to: 

Emmanuel 'Mustafa' Goldstein, 

1 London Bridge Place London SE1 9GF. 

The Spring Edition Takes No Prisoners

The spring edition has a real humdinger of a cover story that exposes the Hampstead Village BID Ltd for forcing a much loved, state-funded institution into paying its gratuitous levy. Worse still, the BID forces the council to force this state funded institution into paying it. The Spy calls for an end to this nonsense and a change to the legislation that allows it.
   Yet more of a coup, we welcome broadcaster, former MP and top writer Martin Bell as a regular columnist and he'll be sharing with us his most original View From The Burb. 
   And there's a rather special interview with song writing legend Ken Howard who penned songs for Elvis, wrote a BBC play about John Lennon and, rather handilly, lives downstairs from Hampstead Village Voice editor Emmanuel 'Mustafa' Goldstein. 
   We've top stories from renowned writers Red Szell and Charles Harris and there's the latest goss on Ye Old White Bear, Burgh House, The Ladies' Pond and Hampstead's splendid new jazz venue, Hampstead Lounge & Jazz Club.
   Mr. Goldstein indulges in a new column called Corporate Watchdog in which he exposes the deserving household names of corporate Britain with an iron fist: AA Home Insurance? You're Better Off With The Burglars pretty much does what it says on the packet.
   With Klaus von Kunst rounding up the Arts scene, Carla Le Pond Antoinette deciphering transgender politik and the Ministry of Silly Names on page something or other... it's the issue that will have you wrapped in an enigma in a riddle in a mystery.

Viva Hampstonia and Toodle pip!

Emmanuel 'Mustafa' Goldstein.
Ed.

A Ghastly Hampstead Cosa Nostra?

Click on the story below and zoom in to read it.

I don't usually publish articles in the current edition of the Hampstead Village Voice online. After all, our struggling local newsagents need to make enough dosh to meet their bills. What they don't need is a sordid little mafia bullying them, breathing down their necks and forcing them to pay up wads of money when they don't want to. This is exactly what a company called Hampstead Village BID Ltd is doing. Worse still, this private limited company has somehow managed to use Camden's electoral system to win a rather dubious ballot, then recruit Scamden Council to act as its summons-wielding debt collector. It's all quite unspeakable. 

   There's also another story about all this in the FINANCIAL CRIMES section of the Autumn edition, but you'll have to go to a newsagent and spend a whole £2.50 to read it. Yet, unlike the BID Ltd, we are not forcing you to part with your money against your will. Read on and share so that businesses and general public alike might be made aware of this thoroughly despicable practice.

Toodle Pip and do we not like bullies!

Emmanuel 'Mustafa' Goldstein.
Editor in hot pants.
PS. If you own a Hampstead business, have fallen victim to this reprehensible little mafia and want to be rid of it, you can email: goodbyebid@outlook.com where a band of like-minded businesses are getting together to fight it off.

TAKE A DEEP BREATH... OR DON'T

By Emmanuel 'Mustafa' Goldstein.

Pollution is the issue of the day, so pages 1 and 7 address it. I've actually taken to escaping London at every opportunity because coughing my lungs out is not what I signed up to when I was accidentally born in Islington then moved to Well Walk, aged one. Having been demoted to Arkwright Rd, the epicentre of that ridiculous school-run, well, it's positively Chokestead around here.

   

Ah, the Joy of Gridlock! Even the Heath seems to be overrun with parky-tractor-traffic these days. And if we can't even go on the Heath without a diesel exhaust in our faces then, yes, society has completely lost the plot. 

   

It's one reason I'm encouraging people to vote for Tulip Siddiq (Lab) in this last-minute General Election: her opponent, Claire-Louise Leyland (Con) foolishly voted in favour of the Heath Dams and, in-so-doing, has placed herself firmly in that room, for which there is no key - because surely all true Heath loving Hampsteadites will have chucked it into the Ladies' Pond.

Talking of the Ladies Pond, one of its regulars Karla Le Pond Antoinette will be joining me on this blog from this day forth. Indeed, all being well, she'll probably completely colonise it. We need doers in this movement (Brian) and let's be honest, I've been neglecting my blogging duties of late. You may know Madame Antoinette from our Pond Life page and it cannot be a bad thing to have a little more feminine energy flowing through the Hampstead Village Voice's veins. 

The new edition is in the shops and, befitting it's 10 year anniversary status, it's bigger and better than ever. But oh no! It now costs £2.50... then again, surely we're allowed to put the price up every ten years.

Viva Hampstonia and Toodle Pip!

Emmanuel 'Mustafa' Goldstein,

Editor voting for Tulip Siddiq.

   

WHOOPS! BRITS SEND MISSILE TO FLORIDA BY MISTAKE AND LONDON AIR UNBREATHABLE

So much for sensible EU directives

Dearest Hampsters,

If you can see this post through the London pollution then, may I ask, why isn't the Mayor of London doing what they do in Paris and order private citizens to stay out of their cars for a day? And why does the British government not apply EU directive 2008/50 which halts all major construction whilst air pollution is at a very dangerous level? 

   I'll tell you why. Because this country's full of selfish, ignorant, money-grubbing arseholes who put their comfort and industry before the breathing of fresh air, that's why.

   "Children's lungs? Fuck 'em! We've got cash to make and huge SUVs to ponce about in!" 

   We may as well all be living in Trump's Brave New World... Oh shit, we are.

The good news is that the new Hampstead Village Voice is here to save our Hampstead spirits from the filth and corruption of Big Brother Trump and his new Airstrip One poodle Theresa Maybe.

   If it's not too passé by then, we'll get Ken Pyne to sharpen his 'poodle bashing pencil' and furnish our new political correspondent Helmut 'Schmidty' Schmidt with a cartoon for the Spring edition, which will be out in May, Theresa.

   That's if a Trident missile hasn't accidentally bombed Florida and caused all out war between Britain and the United States. Oh wouldn't that be a laugh! Imagine it: our armed forces accidentally bombing the USA. 

   As Mr. Withnail once famously yelped from the front seat of an old Jag, "Go and get your new Hampstead Village Voice now darlings... you haven't got a chance!"

Toodles!

Emmanuel 'Mustafa' Goldstein.

Enemy of Big Brother.

WINTER EDITION AHEAD OF SCHEDULE!

HURRAH! The Winter Edition (HVV29) of the Hampstead Village Voice has, after much toil, flu and caffeine, been sent to the printers. Here's its intestines.... It should be out before the 1st of Feb 2017 if Trump's 'TOTALLY BIGLY DÉJÀ VU' (page 34) hasn't nuked us all by then.

Yours,

Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein,

Enemy of Big Brother - more than ever!

FOREIGN SALES SOAR!

The Winter 2016 Edition

Not content with spreading the gospel of the Hampstonian People's Un-popular Front to the exotic lands of Belsize Parkistan, Golders Green Already, Whampers and Al Highquaida, the Hampstead Village Voice is now available in, of all places, St. John's Wood A.K.A. The Wood of Singeon: the news-stand outside St. John's Wood tube station and the legendary Peirera News at 35 St. John's Wood High Street, to be precise.
   Yes even the hearts and minds of The Wood are now to be conquered and the Hampstonian People's Un-popular Front will not rest until Big Brother's evil empire is quashed forever and Hampstonia can again be happy, joyous and free as it was during the Cold War. Oh, how we miss the cold war... You knew where you were back then. Duck and Cover and Mutually Assured Destruction all day long. Ay, them were't days!

Viva Hampstonia!

Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein.
Enemy of Big Brother.