Boy George for Breakfast.

Breakfast

I have just had a rather splendid cup of coffee with Boy George, Jon Moss and another fellow - who's name has slipped my mind - at Cafe Scrooge this morning. Alas I am sworn to secrecy as to the content of the conversation but needless to say it was all rather splendid. Jon warned George that I was a "Journalist" to which I retorted - "I'm not a journalist, I'm a satirist and don't worry mate, you're not funny enough to get into the Hampstead Village Voice". This was of course complete bollocks because between them Jon and George have appeared at least half a dozen times in Hampstead's (the world's?) favourite magazine.

Culture Club fans are certainly advised to purchase a copy of the Spring edition of the Hampstead Village Voice which will be in the shops on April 15th 2011.

Luncheon

Meanwhile, it's back to the drab chore of flogging advertising from Hampstonia's Upper House of Parliament, La Gaffe, where an annoyingly American couple have just asked me to keep my voice down whilst on the phone. I have a good mind to have them extradited to Highgate or, worse still, the Afghan-Irish Republic of Kilburn! How dare these corporate Oceanic types come to my nice clean (well it was till Scamden took it over) country [Hampstonia] and tell me how to behave in my own office! Bastards!

Toodle-Pip!

Mustafa Goldstein

Editor in Hot-Pants.

Scamden: incompetent and wasteful!

A wee while ago the USSR (Union of Soviet Scamden Republics) wasted thousands of squid on those posters and banners telling us all to love our High Street and the "rebuilding" of the Whitestone Pondshop. Meanwhile shop after shop is closing down - including their own "Environment Local" which still stands empty. And now we are looking forward to the end of the Library as we know it. Aren't Scamden and Airstrip One shit! They can't even sort out a proper refuse policy. See the current edition [12] of the Hampstead Village Voice, out now.

Toodle Pip!

Mustafa Goldstein.

Ed in hot-pants.

Oh No We Were Sucked in...

The new cover of the Hampstead Village Voice Edition 12 is at the shops now!

I'm sitting in my Bünker in Berlin and feeling dreadfully homesick. Oh for a pontless espresso at Café Scrooge or some Raisin Toast at the Coffee Cup. Berlin's all nice and fine but it just ain't home. You can take the boy out of Hampstead...

So destitute was I that I did the undoable and joined Farcebook where I've set up both a Mustafa Goldstein and Hampstead Village Voice page. I hate it. What a waste of time. Farting about trying to get the right pictures into the profile bit at the top of the page.

So feel free to look up Mustafa Goldstein on Farcebook - but, trust me, it's no replacement for the real thing, now available at your local news agent and Waterstones.

Surely the best £2 squid you ever spent! Hampstonian constitution... I should co-co!

Toodle Pip!

Mustafa Goldstein xxx

Editor in Hot-Pants.

Edition 12 at shops on Tuesday 18th Jan

Everyone's on about Ricky Gervais so it's a good job I got an exclusive photo in tomorrow's Hampstead Village Voice [edition 12] which you can buy for only 84.00 Rubles from any Hampstead news agent.

Tony Parsons just twittered about how good Ricky was at the Globes last night and my mate Howard even phoned to praise his neighbour's irreverence to the great and the good.

Talking of Twitter, I'd thought I'd give it a go. Somehow less offensive than Farcebook, don't you think? Have a twit (is that what you say?) at Mustafa Goldstein at "Hampstonia".

Toodle Pip!

EMG.

Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein.

Editor in Hot-Pants.

Edition 12 is at the printers!

This splendid Ford Maddox Brown print of The Mount in 1860 appears in the 12th edition of the Hampstead Village Voice.

But enough of the culture! The new edition [in all Hampstead newsagents from 20th of January 2011] will also feature exclusive picture stories on Jonathan Ross, Ricky Gervais, David Baddiel, Cesc Fabregas, Ian Wright, Vanessa Feltz and Sadie Frost... I was thinking of calling it the Hello! Village Voice and just going all dumbed down and Farcebook-like on its arse but, actually, it's quite a mentally challenging edition.

Not least because of the Hampstonian Constitution - Part 1 and a potentially tricky attack on the PC Taliban [of modern day Airstrip One and the Union of Soviet Scamden Republics] presently crawling the street of Hampstead.

There's also a raunchy little story by sexy food critic Marcella Legief and mountains of art and nudism from Dr. Klaus Von Kunst. And those fellow sufferer's of Stressco will not be disappointed: there's no Tesco-Stressco but it is mentioned on pretty much every page. I really must find something else to right about - but we're still hoping to be sued by the supermarket giant [Ed. they wouldn't dare].

And then there's Wheelie Wevolting about the new residents of Hampstead, namely, the rats who are enjoying all that nosh pouring out of split, plastic bags all over the High Street. I know some of you find stories about wheelie bins a tad boring - but, like a terrier with it's teeth in Scamden's ankle, the Hampstead Village Voice will not rest until Hampstead is once again a clean and tidy place to live. So we're still pushing for a little common sense from them... (Ed. You've got more chance of winning the lottery!)

Back to the Hello! Hampstead Village Voice, I was tempted to add the balloon "Not a lot" from the mouth of Sadie Frost in a photo where an old class mate quotes the Beatles and asks, "Sexy Sadie, what have you done" but thought better of it seeing as she was with her son and from her perspective she does have a career (ed. unlike me) so it might have been hurtful [Ed. you're too soft].

More importantly, there's the wonderful A Hampstead Cat & Mouse Story by the lovely Peter Lund who sadly passed away recently. It's quite the sweetest thing I've ever read, plus my old mum really liked it and so will yours.

Right, must dash off and get to work on the new website... Yawn.

Toodle-Pip!

Mustafa Goldstein x

Editor in hot-pants.

Edition 12 imminent!

Although horribly unpopular in Airstrip One, Scamden and Slimegate, Public Enemy No.1, Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein appears to have managed to gain cult status in Tokyo. Indeed, the well respected Japanese magazine Mr. Partner recently interviewed him about the Hampstead Village Voice and the Federal Republic of Hampstonia.

Of course, Mr. Goldstein's identity is a closely guarded secret and the picture above is of an Italian doppelgänger called Salvatore Tagliatelle and bares no resemblance to the real Mustafa G.

All being well, edition 12 will be out in the shops on Thursday the 20th of January and features, amongst other things, the first instalment of the constitution of the Federal Republic of Hampstonia. There are also exclusive local photo's of Cesc Fabregas, Ricky Gervais, Ian Wright, Vanessa Feltz, Jonathan Ross, David Baddiel and, most importantly, a long lost photo of our celestial editor in Chief, Bronco [John].

Plus all sorts of controversial nonsense.

Death be to Al High-Quaida and the Union of Soviet Scamden Republics!

Johnny Amalfi

pp. Mr. Honeka-Cohen

President of the Federal Republic of Hampstonia [land of the not so free]

Next Village Voice pencilled in for January 2011

Being editor of the Hampstead Village Voice one gets asked to do the oddest things... below the result of a request to put the following on this site for the weekend... Well, I saw no harm in it...

World Peace Garden Camden

Dear Volunteers
The World Peace Garden Camden is converting a strip of waste land adjacent to
Hampstead Heath Overground into a tranquil natural beauty spot where we sponsor
the contemplation of inner peace and a better world by means of carefully chosen
words dedicated to this end from Sponsors of a Peace Tile .
The Peace Tiles will placed in the World Peace Garden Camden
The Peace Tiles will also be viewed and appreciated on the World Peace Garden Camden
website inviting others around the world to join us
A point of positive energy in the community promoting inner peace ,harmony & understanding
On Mitzvah Day 21st November from noon to 3pm volunteers will be working in three Teams
Team 1/ preparing to ground around the trees to plant 2 kil of daffodils around the trees
Team 2/ planting the daffodils
Team 3/clearing brambles and weeds
We look forward to everyone enjoying what should turn out to be a satisfying day of giving
selflessly to our friends and neighbours.
With love and thanks to all of our friends
Jonathan
Jonathan Bergman
Trustee
World Peace Garden Camden

Must Hava Cuppa Cha Stein.

www.hampstonian.co.uk

The Hampstead Village Voice has taken a back seat whilst the new edition of The Hampstonian has been under construction. Indeed, for the first time, there's a half decent website to accompany the info-guide and directory for 2011 which will be put next week - 18th of November 2011. The website, www.hampstonian.co.uk is a charmingly presented effort so go and have a look.

Toodle pip!

Mustafa G.