ROMANS!

"Whatever I said it was wrong, or was taken wrong, and now there's all this..." John Lennon.

Yes, That's right, it's good old winter again. Being a devout German Jew with strong Muslim sympathies and a penchant for the distribution of wealth, I knew I was never going to be Mr. Popular around here. But hey, I've gotten my hangover out of the way and have pledged to never drink as long as I live! Like Mark Twain with smoking, I've done it successfully millions of times so should be a piece of piss! 

Plus I'm ever so slightly bored of a small minority of envious, resentful public house dwelling bullies coming up to me and spitting their drunken dummies out because they didn't think of the Hampstead Village Voice first! Blimey, I've even had the Hampstead K.K.K. on my case giving it the old 'Don't You Eye-Ball Me Boy', routine! Actual quotes include "be careful","watch it-MATE!", "who do you think you are" and "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you". There were two occasions of actually physical bodily violence against my personage (although that wasn't the K.K.K., it was the People of Hampstead Un-Popular Peoples Front: Splitters!). 

I'd like to think all this was personal but it never happened before releasing the Hampstead Village Voice so I'm afraid it looks like business. Hey, listen, ladies- just release the Hampstead Nazi Monthly or whatever, but don't come to me if you're going to be rude, threatening and violent. It's bad manners! 

To my credit, I have not reported any of this to the Romans, the King's Men or Don Vito Corleone and those involved will remain anonymous. We don't do gossip or grassing up of minor individuals here at the Voice. We leave that kind of assault for the Multinationals, Scamden and Her Majesties Government. Yet I do feel it my duty to report that bullying is not solely the domain of the hooded youth and that, alas, freedom of speech in modern day Hampstead comes with an element of risk. Ah, Freedom and Democracy: it's all the same hypocrisy.

Meanwhile the large majority of Hampstonians who've approached yours truly have been incredibly supportive and have told me how much they love the rag. Hampstonians are contributing masses of stories, photos, letters and advertising for issue three which, if I am not assassinated first, ought to be out in late February. Lots of love and to all those little girls who wanted a fight- Join the Army! 

Emmanuel "Mustafa" Goldstein (Editor in Tea Person)

Selling Like Hot Turds!

Yes! Edition two is at the printers and may even be at your newsagents early! Official release date is the 1st of December but don't be surprised if you see it there by the last week of November. Hoorah! And for goodness sake don't miss the CHRIMBO PARTY at The Tabby Cat (a.k.a. Flabby Twat) Lounge on TUES 11th of DECEMBER 2007 from 6pm. Bring your Hampstead Village Voice for a free drinkie before 7pm. See you there!

Incidentally someone with the dubious name of 'Liits' commented on this blog recently, "I must be selling like hot turds or else, why would a whole pile have been deposited in my local? Remainded possibly? I think we should be told!" Well, Liits, we're not really that bothered how well YOU are selling. As for the Hampstead Village Voice, it sold way beyond our expectations. If you really want to know how many we've sold, go and ask all the Hampstead newsagents who'll be happy to tell you! To answer your other 'question', it is the policy of this magazine to sell as many as possible for a month or so and then distribute the remainder freely. As well as keeping our advertisers happy, it means the Meek don't have to pay if they're prepared to wait for free distribution (which, quite frankly, is the Meek's only duty!). It's also good promotion for the mag. Answer your questions? Toodle-Pip!

Core blimey! Things seem to have gone swimmingly for us so far. Top notch launch at The Tabby Cat Lounge, Sales galore at all your favourite Hampstead news agents and now it's back to the grind to get issue two out for December 1st! Of course we'll be throwing another party at the Flabby Twat! Which raises the point- are we swearing too much? Some old geezers aren't pleased with our loose use of the English lingo! Gawd Blimey (is that alright?), Arsefcuks isn't a swear word is it? After all FCUK is a bog standard corporate image. And surely the word 'arse' doesn't offend?
Well, can't be hanging around... The bumper Winter issue with an extra 8 pages won't write itself! Toodle pip! Mustafa PS. You can see or buy images of Hampstead like the one of the Flask (above) from the 6th of November to Dec 1st at Rainbird Fine Art 114 Clerkenwell Road, London, EC1M. Hours: Tue - Fri 11.30 -6.00. Sat. 12.00 – 4.00. Sun/Mon by appt. T: + 44 (0)20 7608 3333 E: info@rainbirdfineart.com W: www.rainbirdfineart.com Tube: Farringdon (which is abroad!)

IT'S A HIT!!!!

Yes! It's selling like hot-cakes! Early indications show a land-slide victory for The Hampstead Village Voice! Old ladies have been complaining about our "WELL WALK BROTHEL SHOKKA" billboards outside Hampstead's newsagents. Apparently even more people have been asking for the exact address of the alledged bordello!!! Others have been complaining about the £2 squid price tag of Hampstead's best and only satirical magazine. And we say, if they don't like it, they can go and spend £3.20 on a skinny latte with an extra shot of espresso at Arsefcuks and read that!!!! Tossers! The Hampstead Village Voice is now in all good Hampstead newsagents! Yes siree Bob! So what are you waiting for? Dash out and get your copy now! See yaw'll at the launch!

GO FOR LAUNCH!!!

HOUSTON- WE ARE GO FOR LAUNCH! Yesiree Bob...the Pdf's are at the printers and the Hampstead Village Voice, once a dream soon to be reality, is on it's way! All being well this beast of a mag will be available at your Hampstead newsagent on SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 1st! So up you get, bright and early, and get yourself a Wagon Wheel, a Curley Wurley, some Fruit Salad's, Black Jack's, Bazooka Joe's and a copy of the Hampstead Village Voice! Who needs The Beano or Dandy when the Voice is in town? Eat you're heart out Dennis The Menace cos The High Street Spy's going to piss on everyone's parade! See yaw'll at the launch party on Thurs 6th Sept 2007 @ The Tabby Cat Lounge (formerly Maxwell's), Heath Street, Snotstead. 6pm onwards. Toodle-Pip! Lord Snottington of Snotstead.

Lovely Weather We're Having!

The launch of the Hampstead Village Voice is on September the 6th 2007 at the Tabby Cat Lounge (formerly Maxwell's). Be there between 6-8pm with a copy of the Hampstead Village Voice and recieve a drink on the house! Result! Incidentally, above is The New End Mini Market (formerly Carnegie Stores) where one can buy an avacado for 49p. And the best news of all is that every time I've purchased one it's ripe, fresh and ready to go unlike Stressco, where the Av's always seem to be as hard as rock and a lot more expensive! You may also notice a certain Michael Wooderson (aka. Woody) sitting outside. It would appear he has finally passed the reigns of The Duke Of Hamilton and retired t'ut country. The end of an era if ever there was one.Toodle Pip Old Bean! DS

GOD BLESS HIGH STREET HAMPMERICA!

Pikky of Hampstead Heath in eighteen hundred and something. We reckon it's that bit up from the Aqueduct (aka. Red Arches) up towards Ye Old Nobbly Hollow Tree. Anyway, it's all go at the Hampstead Village Voice which is rapidly resembling an episode of Lou Grant. Will be running the whole thing by our team of dislexic editorial experts so that shpelling mistaeks and grammatical errors are kept to a minimum like, innit. Still awaiting one or two stragglers for advertising artwork but editorially we're in good shape (Septic for "we're on course"). Talking of Americans, aren't there a lot about at the moment? 10am on Hampstead High Street's like kinda full o' yank mums awl kinda tawkin' lack Donald bleedin' Duck! Thinking of renaming the mag to Greenwich Village Voice...er...uhm... maybe not. Remember to put Thursday the 6th of September in your diary for the launch of The Humpsturd Village Voice. 7pm at The Tabby Cat Lounge. West-side and Toodle Pip. DS.