HVVTV 1 inaugural Broadcast

Co-presenters, Maria and Adina will be reading the weather for HVVTV "LIVE FROM THE COFFEE CUP" tonight! Or then again, maybe they won't...

Dearest all,

It's all go for your intrepid editor in hot-pants. Having eaten a huge and excellent pasta at La Gaffe, yours truly will head for the High Street to prepare for the inaugural recording of HVVTV [not] Live From The Coffee Cup. This will be recorded [not] live and [not] in front of a studio audience at midnight tonight. It will feature myself and love revolutionary the Bombadier Bard and will be broadcast on YouTube if it's any good.

I shall also be playing five-a-side football at 6pm and attending a community meeting at 7.30pm so had better go and get myself a siesta now. Ahh - the joys of sleeping for an hour in the middle of the day when you know the world is sweating away in some horrid office, chasing yet another pound coin! PAYE? No thank you: it's DAYP* for moi!

Toodle-pip!

Emmanuel Goldstein.

Editor

*Do As You Please

Wells Tavern Presidential Visit Stuns Locals...

And he didn't even sign the photo...

Well I never! I was somewhat surprised to see that America's first Irish Head of State Barack O'Bama didn't sign the presidential memento he left at the Wells Tavern after his surprise visit to the famous Hampstead landmark.

According to the manager of the Wells, the pub has received "hundreds" of calls as a result of our exclusive coverage of the President's previously "top secret" visit. One can only assume these "hundreds of phone calls" - and yes, that's a direct quote - came from the hundreds of transient Americans now living in Hampstead. Let's face it, no proper Hampstead local would ever believe such tripe.

A tad gullible of the old 'Septics' but one has admire their child-like enthusiasm.

For more on the Presidential visit and how he ate his burger, see pages 13 and 18 of the current edition of the Hampstead Village Voice in all good Hampstead newsagents now.

Toodle-pip!

Emmanuel 'Mustafa' Goldstein

Scurrilously Misleading Editor.

Ruttingtons

Off his bleedin' trolly!

Having published probably the best Hampstead Village Voice to date in edition 13, yours truly finds himself somewhat stuck in a rut. It isn't a writer's block exactly - more a sort of cup over-floweth, spoilt-for-choiceness situation. I simply cannot choose between whether to get edition 14 off the ground immediately, write my book, start on The Hampstonian 2012, launch my musical web-site [categorizing all my songs, albums, videos and TV appearances] or compile the Hampthology - a planned collection of the best of the Hampstead Village Voice.

You see my quandary. I've simply too much to choose from and end up doing absolutely nothing. Hurrah for doing absolutely nothing! It's time for being a fallow fellow. Allow the brain and senses to relish life's joys regardless of mere work related matters. Work to live - not live to work. Who gives a shit? Life's too short! Cappuccino's aimlessly sipped upon the High Street - yes, wasn't this why I started the Hampstead Village Voice in the first place? To stop and appreciate all the joyous things we have in Hampstead? The Heath, the cafe's, the massive great big trolly's left in the middle of zebra-crossings. Yes indeedy!

Yours non-resentfully,

Master Fer-Globules x

Hot-pants wrapped in wet panties

The Water Don't Taste Like Wot it Oughta...

The water really is this clear. Lovely!

Yes, the only thing this entry has to do with Hampstead is that I am writing it from my hotel bed whilst wearing my Hampstead Village Voice T-Shirt. I am staying at the very splendid Hostal San Telmo run by Maria, her dad and their two dogs. Nice little pool and 4 minutes from the beach. What more could one wish for at €30 a night!

Oh, and I took the 46 bus to Palma today. Yes there really is a 46 bus that goes through Palma and not only that, the driver played The Best of UB40 really loudly all the way there - I mean, really loudly. Quite mental. Imagine the driver of the 46 in Hampstead doing that? Never!

Viva España, Viva Hampstoñia!

Mustafa Goldsteinxxx

Editor in boxer-shorts.

PS. Do not order pizza in Mallorca. It's shit. The pasta's good though.

Toodle Pip Hampstead!

Hampstead High Street by Tim Garrett

The current edition of the Hampstead Village Voice - temporarily re-named thePramstead Village Voice - is currently available at all good Hampstead newsagents.

Oh and we've got a lovely new website. Do go and have a quick peak : http://www.hampsteadvillagevoice.com

Incidentally, I'm off. Had enough. But don't worry - just a week in Palma to rejuvenate and get going on my book.

Well, there's only so much one can write about Hampstead, her prams and her pillar-boxes so it's time to venture into the world of the 'proper' writer.

Watch out George Orwell, here I come! Oh alright, George Formby.

Toodle Pip!

Emmanuel Mustafa Goldsteinxxx

Editor on holiday... well, sort of.

The right to feed your baby...

Nothing to do with breastfeeding - the front cover of the Pramstead Village Voice.

I received a phone call this morning: "have you seen page three of the Camden Journal"?

I popped off to get a copy and there was a story by Tom Foot about a woman who was asked to leave the King William IV for breastfeeding her child. I ask you, what has the world come to when a woman is thrown out of a public place for fulfilling the most basic of human needs - feeding a baby?

According to the story there were three men at the bar who decided to quote the front page of the Hampstead Village Voice whilst jeering, 'Invasion Of The Prammie Mammies' at her whilst waving a magazine in the air.

The story goes on to mention our splendid 'three page spoof photo feature on Pramstead', which has an innocent poke at 'the recent perambulator proliferation of Pramstead'.

Nowhere in the story does it mention the noble art of breastfeeding. Besides, as any Prammy Mammy will tell you, prams and breastfeeding are two completely separate subjects.

In case there was any doubt...

The Hampstead Village Voice would like to make it clear it backs a mothers right to feed her child in any public place at any time of day or night and strongly suggests the King William IV offers a sincere apology for its inappropriate decision to interfere whilst a mother fed her child.

A spokesman for the Metropolitan Borough of Hampstead said, "I don't know what the fuss is all about, it's all just a storm in a D cup".

Toodle Pip,

Mustafa Goldstein,

Editor in hot-pants

God Save The Queen composed in Hampstead?

We urge you all to go and buy the single God Save The Queen by The Sex Pistols this week to ensure it goes No.1 in time for the Royal Wedding.

According the Heath and Hampstead Society website, The Sex Pistols composed God Save The Queen at Johnny Rotten's flat in New Court off Flask Walk. Whether it was actually written in the flat or just whilst Mr. Rotten (Ed. You're having a laugh) lived there, is open to speculation. What is certain is that if you purchase the single for a mere 99p from iTunes it'll chuck a few pence Johnny's way and might even go to No.1 ensuring God Save The Queen will be the musical back drop everytime they show the wedding in years to come. And wouldn't that be splendid!

Toodle-Pip!

Mustafa Goldstein x

Mustafa Goldstein

Editor in Bondage