Selling Like Hot Turds!

Yes! Edition two is at the printers and may even be at your newsagents early! Official release date is the 1st of December but don't be surprised if you see it there by the last week of November. Hoorah! And for goodness sake don't miss the CHRIMBO PARTY at The Tabby Cat (a.k.a. Flabby Twat) Lounge on TUES 11th of DECEMBER 2007 from 6pm. Bring your Hampstead Village Voice for a free drinkie before 7pm. See you there!

Incidentally someone with the dubious name of 'Liits' commented on this blog recently, "I must be selling like hot turds or else, why would a whole pile have been deposited in my local? Remainded possibly? I think we should be told!" Well, Liits, we're not really that bothered how well YOU are selling. As for the Hampstead Village Voice, it sold way beyond our expectations. If you really want to know how many we've sold, go and ask all the Hampstead newsagents who'll be happy to tell you! To answer your other 'question', it is the policy of this magazine to sell as many as possible for a month or so and then distribute the remainder freely. As well as keeping our advertisers happy, it means the Meek don't have to pay if they're prepared to wait for free distribution (which, quite frankly, is the Meek's only duty!). It's also good promotion for the mag. Answer your questions? Toodle-Pip!

Core blimey! Things seem to have gone swimmingly for us so far. Top notch launch at The Tabby Cat Lounge, Sales galore at all your favourite Hampstead news agents and now it's back to the grind to get issue two out for December 1st! Of course we'll be throwing another party at the Flabby Twat! Which raises the point- are we swearing too much? Some old geezers aren't pleased with our loose use of the English lingo! Gawd Blimey (is that alright?), Arsefcuks isn't a swear word is it? After all FCUK is a bog standard corporate image. And surely the word 'arse' doesn't offend?
Well, can't be hanging around... The bumper Winter issue with an extra 8 pages won't write itself! Toodle pip! Mustafa PS. You can see or buy images of Hampstead like the one of the Flask (above) from the 6th of November to Dec 1st at Rainbird Fine Art 114 Clerkenwell Road, London, EC1M. Hours: Tue - Fri 11.30 -6.00. Sat. 12.00 – 4.00. Sun/Mon by appt. T: + 44 (0)20 7608 3333 E: info@rainbirdfineart.com W: www.rainbirdfineart.com Tube: Farringdon (which is abroad!)

IT'S A HIT!!!!

Yes! It's selling like hot-cakes! Early indications show a land-slide victory for The Hampstead Village Voice! Old ladies have been complaining about our "WELL WALK BROTHEL SHOKKA" billboards outside Hampstead's newsagents. Apparently even more people have been asking for the exact address of the alledged bordello!!! Others have been complaining about the £2 squid price tag of Hampstead's best and only satirical magazine. And we say, if they don't like it, they can go and spend £3.20 on a skinny latte with an extra shot of espresso at Arsefcuks and read that!!!! Tossers! The Hampstead Village Voice is now in all good Hampstead newsagents! Yes siree Bob! So what are you waiting for? Dash out and get your copy now! See yaw'll at the launch!

GO FOR LAUNCH!!!

HOUSTON- WE ARE GO FOR LAUNCH! Yesiree Bob...the Pdf's are at the printers and the Hampstead Village Voice, once a dream soon to be reality, is on it's way! All being well this beast of a mag will be available at your Hampstead newsagent on SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 1st! So up you get, bright and early, and get yourself a Wagon Wheel, a Curley Wurley, some Fruit Salad's, Black Jack's, Bazooka Joe's and a copy of the Hampstead Village Voice! Who needs The Beano or Dandy when the Voice is in town? Eat you're heart out Dennis The Menace cos The High Street Spy's going to piss on everyone's parade! See yaw'll at the launch party on Thurs 6th Sept 2007 @ The Tabby Cat Lounge (formerly Maxwell's), Heath Street, Snotstead. 6pm onwards. Toodle-Pip! Lord Snottington of Snotstead.

Lovely Weather We're Having!

The launch of the Hampstead Village Voice is on September the 6th 2007 at the Tabby Cat Lounge (formerly Maxwell's). Be there between 6-8pm with a copy of the Hampstead Village Voice and recieve a drink on the house! Result! Incidentally, above is The New End Mini Market (formerly Carnegie Stores) where one can buy an avacado for 49p. And the best news of all is that every time I've purchased one it's ripe, fresh and ready to go unlike Stressco, where the Av's always seem to be as hard as rock and a lot more expensive! You may also notice a certain Michael Wooderson (aka. Woody) sitting outside. It would appear he has finally passed the reigns of The Duke Of Hamilton and retired t'ut country. The end of an era if ever there was one.Toodle Pip Old Bean! DS

GOD BLESS HIGH STREET HAMPMERICA!

Pikky of Hampstead Heath in eighteen hundred and something. We reckon it's that bit up from the Aqueduct (aka. Red Arches) up towards Ye Old Nobbly Hollow Tree. Anyway, it's all go at the Hampstead Village Voice which is rapidly resembling an episode of Lou Grant. Will be running the whole thing by our team of dislexic editorial experts so that shpelling mistaeks and grammatical errors are kept to a minimum like, innit. Still awaiting one or two stragglers for advertising artwork but editorially we're in good shape (Septic for "we're on course"). Talking of Americans, aren't there a lot about at the moment? 10am on Hampstead High Street's like kinda full o' yank mums awl kinda tawkin' lack Donald bleedin' Duck! Thinking of renaming the mag to Greenwich Village Voice...er...uhm... maybe not. Remember to put Thursday the 6th of September in your diary for the launch of The Humpsturd Village Voice. 7pm at The Tabby Cat Lounge. West-side and Toodle Pip. DS.

Apart from Tanker what rhymes with Banker?

If you want a nice cup of coffee for 40p you could do a lot worse than pop in to the church on Heath Street this weekend. You'll even get a free biscuit thrown in! Well Played the Baptists! No, not Baptista! He's rubbish. So's Henry! Good riddance! Couldn't kick a ball to save his life! While we're at it- All banks are complete arseholes! Yes! It's true! Their just a bunch of complete wankers so we're off to the Post Office to open the Hampstead Village Voice account. Actually, given the choice we'd run it from a shoe box but HMR&C wouldn't stand for it. So to name and shame: NAT WEST made us fill out loads of forms, tried to sell us insurance and various other services we didn't want and messed us around for a month then...."Computer said no!". BARCLAYS didn't have the bollocks to take our money either! We didn't even want a loan! Not a penny! Just to deposit a load of cheques from our local advertisers. Yup! That's how bad the HVV's credit is! But as an old radio presenter mate of mine Scottie Chisholm always used to tell me, "Give them 20p and tell them to go and phone someone who gives a toss!" and "Don't let the bastards live rent free in your head". Wise words indeed. Banking aside, things are going swimmingly and we're on track for the launch in September. We'll see you all at The Tabby Cat Lounge at 7pm on Thursday September 6th for a party Hampstead will never forget! Your very own, Mustafa Goldstein.