SUB-MISSIVE HAMPSTEAD

WE CAN SMELL IT ALREADY...

McCRACKDONALD'S TO GIVE WAY TO SUB-STANDARD SANDWICH?

It isn't even open and we can smell it already. The above, somewhat misleading poster might have builders wandering aimlessly around Hampstead for days.

by Emmanuel 'Mustafa' Goldstein.

It would appear McCrackDonald's regular advertisement on a redundant Hampstead telephone box has been superseded by one for the even smellier fast-food outlet, Subway. 

    Unless, as the wholly inaccurate arrow pictured above suggests, Subway intends to move into Gap Kids or Barclays Bank, it is an obvious clue as to the identity of the new tenants of Ronald McDonald's 'Crack House'.

   According to the Hampstead Village Voice’s High Street Spy, the venue, which previously played host to both Pizzaland and Europa Foods, has always been home to somewhat smelly and down-market establishments. So it appears that 'why change the habit of a lifetime' is the motto of the landlords at 46 Hampstead High Street.

   A spokesman for the Metropolitan Borough of Hampstead admitted, “It would probably have been better off staying as a McDonald’s. Whenever one goes into or near a Subway anywhere in the world it smells ghastly… quite repulsive. What on earth do they put in their food?”

   William Ill’s across the road now have Subway at 1/100 to take over, so if you want a Big Crack and Flies you’d better hurry on over to Ronnie’s now. 

I never thought I'd say this, but We'll almost miss McCrackDonalds.

Emmanuel 'Mustafa' Goldstein is the author of the new book Hampstead Faces, Volume 1, available at all Hampstead book shops now. http://www.hampstonian.co.uk/page_2981086.html

Happy Hampstead Faces...

Pic: Gordon Rondelle Hawtin

A Happy Hampstead Face.

That's what we like to see. A 'appy 'ampstead face coming out of Waterstones with his copy of the Hampstead Village Voice. For even with estate agents, developers, builders, leaf blowers and ambulance sirens doing their worst to ruin the serenity of our old homestead, Hampstead is still a wondrous and happy place to be.

   This splendid photo was taken by Gordon 'Rondelle' Hawtin who, whilst at the launch of my book Hampstead Faces Volume I, recently shared with me his frustration at nearly having snapped the best photo ever but... 'then a load of people suddenly turned up at the crucial moment.' I know the feeling only too well but think it's a lovely photo.

   And, by the way, what a launch it was. Thanks all who made it such a great night and thanks too to all those who couldn't make it but wrote in with kind, enthusiastic words including that magic phrase: "but I did go and buy the book!"

   
Incidentally, there's a very nice story by Richard Olsely in the current Camden New Journal about the book and yours truly in general. If you're a New York Times reader stuck in some swish bar uptown and can't get a hard copy of the CNJ, think "Camden Town" and click here: CNJ Review of Hampstead Faces Volume 1.

All the best and Toodle-Pip!

Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein x,
Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein.
Enemy of Big Brother until he pays me enough...

Liam Gallagher 10/1, Jonathan Ross 12/1, Bronco 1000000/1

The back page of Hampstead Faces Volume 1.

The first, limited edition of the new book's ready for publication and will be in Hampstead bookshops and a few selected newsagents from the 15th of October 2014. 

   Red wine, lemonade and onion bhaji's are a strong possibility if you attend the launch on Tuesday the 15th of October 2013. But get there before 7.15pm or you might be left with a medium sized cappuccino from Waterstones' new café.

   Unsurprisingly, there are some rather well known Hampsteadites who feature in the book so William Hill are taking bets on a H-list celebrity turn out:

Jon Moss 1/2, Giles Coren, Tony Parsons and Henry Kelly Evens, Lisa Stansfield and Nicky Horne 2/1, David Baddiel 3/1, John Alderton 7/2, Boy George 11/2, Liam Gallagher 10/1, Jonathan Ross 12/1, Robert Powell 15/1, Patrick Vieira 25/1, Cesc Fabregas 50/1, Stevie Wonder 500/1, Bronco and Peter Cook returning from the dead to make a last minute surprise visit and commentate 1000000/1. All bets will naturally be placed by Rainbow George who himself comes in at 3/1.

   

See you there and Toodle Pip!

E.M. Goldstein x

Emmanuel "Mustafa" Goldstein

Enemy of Big Brother.
PS. Consider your Christmas shopping done for a mere £12.99 folks!

Hampstead Faces, nearly finished...

Just a some dotting of i's and crossing of t's to do and then my new book, Hampstead Faces will be off to the printers in September.
    It'll probably look like it wrote itself once it's on the shelves of Waterstones on the 15th of October but like all good things it took a fair bit off effort.
    There's plenty of gratuitous name dropping in it (well, you gotta sell a few copies, in't ya) and some rather amusing personal stories and anecdotes about Hampstonian yokels great and small. Oh, and lot's of rather lovely pictures too.
    The gist of the book? I took loads of photo's of Hampsteadites then wrote about them. A simple enough idea but rather effective, I'm sure you'll agree.

Toodle-Pip!

Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein x
Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein
Enemy of Big Brother (when it suits him).

Well earned Berlin Sabbatical

Having written much of, edited all and distributed edition 18 of the Hampstead Village Voice I find myself over-worked, over-caffeinated and over here in Berlin where I shall now relax for a week and spend a little time with my dear old mum.
    As I write, the birds are tweeting happily outside and I shall shortly go for a stroll around Berlin's version of The Vale of Health, namely Hertha See where there are no nudists but a couple of very pleasant looking swans.
    Thanks to Richard Osley of the Camden New Journal for his fine words about the Hampstead Village Voice and the disarming interview we had with Giles "Chopper" Coren, who is currently mourning the demotion of his beloved Queens Park Rangers F.C.

Do give it a butcher's...

http://richardosley.wordpress.com/2013/05/23/giles-coren-the-village-voice-and-the-price-of-journalism/

Walkies!

Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein
Editor in Exile.

What's in Edition 18?

WHSMITH at the Royal Free Hospital now sells the 

Hampstead Village Voice.

Dearest Hampsters,

As well as the usual outlets, edition 18 will also be available at WHSMITH at the Royal Free Hospital from Wednesday the 15th of May 2013. So now even illness and injury can be a joyous experience. Indeed, I was in there to check my eye-sight recently which is probably why the above picture ended up out of focus.

What's in edition 18?

There'll be an extra 4 pages in this edition to accommodate a rather dramatic and entertaining five-page interview with Giles Coren, guaranteed to rock your boat and annoy various individuals including his sister, various estate agents, the Polish Foreign Minister and Chelsea fans (Ed. What a combination).

Both Scamden's Planning and Press departments get a right roasting for being the complete incompetents they are in the stories Scamdengate and Pravda and the über-development of what was once a quiet, peaceful Hampstonia is covered at length, including the story by Hampstead Harridan of a retired couple about to enjoy the delights of living in a building site on Templewood Avenue.

We have a stern look at how Transport for London has managed to extort over £100 million from the public: the biggest scam in the history of London's public transport, not least because no one seems to have noticed it.

Oh, and the new Hampstead to West Hampstead bus link, including the controversial new terminus in Well Walk, is unveiled in all its glory on pages one and eleven.

And, as usual, the High Street Spy, Klaus von Kunst, Fox News and Hampstonianism will be at your disposal.

Can I go now?

Toodle Pip!

Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein
Enemy of Big Brother

Edition 18 in shops from 15th of May 2013.

Conrad Schumann jumps over the Finchley Road Wall and escapes to Hampstonia and freedom! 

Calling all Hampsters!

I'm pleased to report, Edition 18 of the Hampstead Village Voice is almost ready and will be in the shops from the 15th of May 2013.

Here's a little taster....

On the Soviet Gulag of West Hampstead

"...For here the Victory Gin doth flow most freely; the proles mill about aimlessly between the Overground, Underground and Thameslink and my East German neighbour, Comrade Hauptmann Gerd Wiesler has already reported me to the authorities for watching television after 7pm and opening the bedroom window after midnight on hot nights. 

     According to Comrade Wiesler, such ordinary Hampstonian activities are considered Noise-Crime in West Hampstead. I kid you not my fellow Hampstonian, the Stasi are on to you as soon as you cross that dreaded Finchley Road Wall.

    So grim is a life in the Soviet Gulag that alcoholism, drug use, suicide and tax evasion are as rife as psychatric help is scarce. And so I will make haste in returning to Hampstonia as soon as I can smuggle myself into the boot of someone's Mercedes Benz. For the Lives of Others is not for me: it’s for others...."

Your very own,

Emmanuel Mustafa Goldstein,

Enemy of Big Brother.